Would You Hire This Guy?
by Tara1
Summary: Logan needs to find work and fast
1. The Agency

Disclaimer: Don't own the X-men, make no money, just fun.

Author's note: silly, stupid, inane, asinine, frivolous, absurd, idiotic, pointless, daft, dumb, witless, ludicrous, ridiculous…consider yourself warned!

Would You Hire this Guy?

Christmas was fast approaching and time was running out for Logan to do his Christmas shopping. Trying to find something extra special for Jubilee this year, since she had gone all out for him last year, was proving to be difficult. Overhearing something about wanting a Playstation 2, Logan decided to go out and get her one. What he discovered was that most places were sold out and would not be getting them in before Christmas. 

But luck was on his side today and at one of the stores he checked out, the guy behind the counter, a shady looking fellow, told him he could get him one in for him special. It was only going to cost him $800. Logan just about choked. Where was he going to get that much money, especially since he had picked out an expensive locket for Jean (he knew it was going to piss off Scott royally, what could be better than that?).

It became obvious, if he was going to get the girls in his life the kind of gifts he wanted to buy them he needed to find work and fast.

After returning to the mansion from shopping, Logan began to flip through the yellow pages until he found an ad for a placement agency and called them up. 

****

**Agency Office**

Logan sat in the waiting area of the agency office, his palms already starting to sweat. He had never had an interview like this, at least none he could remember. Picking up a magazine off the table he flipped through it. Not exactly reading, more just for something to do with his hands. Finally someone came to collect him.

" Good afternoon Mr. Logan would you please come with me." Said a pleasant looking secretary who then led him down a hall to a small office. Inside, there was another attractive woman sitting behind a large wooden desk. She stood and spoke. 

"Hello Mr. Logan please come in and sit down." She raised her hand to indicate the chair in front of the desk. 

After entering the room, Logan sat down while the woman gathered some forms and papers in front of her in preparation to record the interview. Logan had been through battles where it had not been certain if he would make it out alive, but this interview was freaking him out.

"Ok Mr. Logan I understand you have come to us to help you find employment. Why don't we start with what kind of work are you looking for." She said poised with a pen and paper to record his answer.

" I just want something so I can have a little extra cash for Christmas." Logan said praying that that was the right answer.

"So something just temporary then, well that narrows it down. Now Mr. Logan I need to ask a series of questions to find out what sort of work you are suited for."

"Ok." Logan replied more nervous than ever.

She rummaged though a pile of papers until she found what she was looking for "I just need to fill out this form first. What is your name?" 

"Logan" He replied confident in another right answer.

"Oh, there must have been some confusion with the secretary, I have that as your last name. What is your last name?" she asked quickly erasing what she had written.

"Well actually my last name is Logan. I think." He said looking up uncomfortably like the answer may be on the ceiling somewhere.

The woman just looked at him not sure what to say. Finally she said the inevitable. "So it's Logan Logan?"

"No just Logan." He said, not quite sure what she couldn't understand.

The woman had had frustrating interviews before but not at the very first question. She resigned herself to continue, preparing herself for 'one of those days'. "What should I write for a first name then?"

"How about Jim?" Logan answered. He had used that alias before but he couldn't remember the situation.

" That's fine. Let's go on to the next question. Date and place of birth?"

Logan smiled, he knew she was not going to be happy with that answer either but what could he do " Well that's an interesting but very long story. The bottom line is…. I don't know that either. I think I might be Canadian."

She smiled and leaned forward " Why am I not surprised?" and just continued as if the answer was completely normal. "Let's just put, oh I don't know…you look like a Scorpio." She said giving him a good once over that actually made Logan more than a little uncomfortable. "Why don't I make it November 11 1966?" she wasn't really waiting for an answer as she was writing it as she spoke.

"You say you may be Canadian? Are you permitted to work in the US? Do you have a green card? Do you have running water up there? No doot aboot it! Where's your toque?" Then she burst out laughing like she had said the funniest thing in the world.

"Huh?" Logan was confused but decided to continue and answer the question to the best of his ability. "I am permitted to work in the US, I can easily get papers if you need them."

She quickly calmed down, wiped the tears from her eyes and continued.

"Alright, now let's talk about your references." She seemed already in anticipation of another difficult answer.

"References?" Logan lifted an eyebrow and gave a sheepish grin.

"Yes. Who was your last or present boss?" Her patients were starting to wane but it was bearable only because the guy in front of her was extremely attractive.

"Well, I guess that would be Scott. He is the team leader." Logan speculated.

"Ok, so what would he have to say about you? About your interpersonal skills for example?"

Logan thought hard for a moment before speaking "Umm. Can I pick someone else?"

"Why don't we just skip that one then. What are your greatest strengths?"

Logan now smiled a toothy grin, 'here we go' he thought. "Well, I have a skeleton laced with the unbreakable metal adamantium, I have three razor sharp claws in each hand, I have incredibly keen senses, I am an expert in numerous martial arts techniques, and I heal very quickly."

"Well that's very impressive! I guess we don't have to worry about you taking any sick days, huh?" She said leaning back in the chair to get a full view of him " and what are your greatest weaknesses?"

"Well I have a berserker rage and I constantly have to keep it in check or I may revert to a vicious animal state" Logan was deadly serious as he spoke this time.

"Ah, it's too bad you weren't in here last week. We had a position at the post office." She said with a disappointed tone.

"Damn!" Logan responded.

The woman went back to her notes and quickly scanned them again. " Ok I have just one more question for you. How would you best describe yourself?"

Logan again smiled he knew the right answer for this one too " I'm the best at what I do!" he said and sat back feeling very happy with the way this interview turned out.

The woman just sat with her hands clasp on her desk, staring at the strange man in front of her "Rrrighhhhht."

Finally she broke out of her disbelief and composed herself back to her previous professional manner. She had had harder cases than this. "Well Mr. Logan I think we may have something for you."

Logan sat up straight in anticipation.

She shot him a sideways glance and said, "Would you be interested in being an exotic dancer? I think you'd be great!" 

Logan didn't like the look in her eye or the way she was licking her lips. She looked like she might jump the desk and ravage him. Quickly he answered " NO! No I don't think I'd like that."

A disappointed look crossed her face at the knowledge that she would not get to see him with his clothes off. "Too bad, I think you would have been good. Are you sure? You'd make a lot of tips."

"I'm sure! What else ya got?"

"Well, with your healing abilities and martial arts I was thinking you could be a stunt double for Jackie Chan but you're just too short and hairy."

"Huh?" Logan had no idea what the hell she was talking about; Jackie Chan does his own stunts.

"Ok" she said as she grabbed a well-worn file out of her desk. "I have three positions to which you may be suited. Let's see here…one… a school bus driver for an all girl private high school, two…selling slicer/dicer appliances on infomercials or three… working in the complaints department for the WB network, it seems they are getting a lot of complaints about their Saturday morning cartoon line up."

Logan sat completely dejected. "That's all ya got?!" 

"Well if you don't like any of those there is always a job as a mall Santa." she said and continued " Which one do you want?"

Ok readers: Here's the participation part of the show. What job should Logan take? Or can you think of a better one?

Chapter two…The Job

Note: No offence intended with regards to the jobs listed.


	2. The Job

---------------------------------- 

Would You Hire This Guy (part 2/?) ("Wolvie Claws")

Disclaimer: Don't own the X-men, Make no money, just for fun.

We wanted to do a story together so we decided to do this one.

We would like to thank Princess Artemis for her excellent drawing of 'Wolvie Claws' which you can view at 

[http://www.crosswinds.net/~princessartemis/images/dragon/illos/xmenxmas.html][1]

"Are you sure that's all ya got? I mean aren't there any bodyguard jobs, or security jobs? How about secret agent stuff?" Logan said almost starting to plead with the woman.

"That's all I have at the moment. Take it or leave it," her reply was cold and a little sadistic.

"Ok. I guess I'll take the Santa job." Logan said as he raised his hands in defeat. "How hard could it be? You sit all day and talk to sweet little kids who look at you like some kind of God or somethin'" he added, trying to see the silver lining of the situation.

The woman just smiled a knowing grin and handed him the relevant papers to fill out. "You start immediately."

* * *

At a nearby mall

* * *

Logan took a seat in the immense throne like chair. He twisted a little in the large and overly hot red suit he had been given to wear. The outfit had been recently dry-cleaned but it still possessed smells that Logan easily and unhappily detected, yet that was small in comparison to his real fear for the day. That someone he knew might actually recognize him. That would be infinitely more unbearable than the smelly suit. But he figured that in this out 

of the way mall he would not see any of his X-men friends. 

A line of children and their mothers' was already starting to form waiting impatiently to talk to Santa. 

The young lady about Jubilee's age who was dressed as an elf and who's job it was to hand out the candy canes came up to him and asked, "Are you ready for them Santa?"

A low growl escaped his throat as he said, " Ready as I'll ever be."

And so began Santa Logan's day in hell.

The first child was about 7 or 8 years old and was well behaved. It was his mother that was making him uncomfortable. She looked like the twin sister of Mimi from the Drew Carey show and was giving Logan the 'Wouldn't you like to know what I'm going to do to you' look. He carefully averted his gaze and hoped she wouldn't ask if she too could sit on his lap.

As soon as the child was done telling him what he wanted, the young elf working with him took the boy by the hand and led him to a bowl of candycanes. To Logan's horror, the mother was about to sit on his knee.

"Don't you have someone named Drew to harass darlin'"

The lady knew she had been insulted and grabbed her son and dragged him off down the mall.

'Close one,' thought Logan.

From that moment on, the day went downhill. Every baby he was forced to hold would scream bloody murder right into his super sensitive ears. All the while the happy mother saying "Shhh sweetie it's Santa." 

Every child between the ages of 6 and 12 wanted a Playstation2 to which he began replying in a gruff manner "Santa can't get everything so get over it Bub!" 

This usually resulted in more crying. Only one child ever came close to getting impaled. The kid who asked Santa for a Cyclops action figure so it could beat up his Wolverine action figure. 

Logan replied "Well kid, you know now you're getting nothin".

Santa Logan's afternoon proceeded something like this. He was hit in the 'family jewels' on three separate occasions by over excited kids jumping into his lap. 

There were two candy canes stuck into his real side burns and were going to have to be cut out when he got home. Every other mother wanted to sit on his lap and slip a small piece of paper with a phone number on it into his pocket. By 3 p.m. he had at least twenty numbers. 

'Hey being Santa could be good for this ol' canuckleheads social life,' he thought

All this Logan endured, even when school was let out and all the teen-age girls started to dominate the line up. They were waiting to sit on the gorgeous Santa's knee. He sighed he would get through all this. 

Then the nightmare began…

Logan spotted Scott and Jean in the line. All he could think of was 'shit, shit, shit'

He prayed that they didn't recognize him. He figured that Scott 

and Jean were doing the usual of getting into the Christmas spirit by doing silly things like getting their picture with Santa.

'But why this mall!' Logan thought. 'Maybe they won't recognize me. Please, please, please don't recognize me.'

It was Scott and Jean's turn to get their picture. Jean said to Scott "You go first and don't forget to tell Santa what you want for Christmas." She was pushing the reluctant Scott forward. 

"Ok I'll go. I can't believe you talked me into this Jean." He answered with a silly smile. It was obvious he felt a little silly but he loved Jean's playful nature and would do things like this for her.

"Hi Santa" Scott said as he sat on his knee and turned to face the camera, "am I too heavy?"

"Uh, no. Not at all," said Logan, but he was thinking 'you're lucky I have metal bones buddy."

"Oh that's good,"

"Aren't you a little big for this" Santa Logan said trying to disguise his voice. 

"Yeah, well my wife thinks this is fun. I do too, I guess. I didn't get to do this kind of stuff when I was a kid." Scott answered with a guilty shrug. It was obvious he did like doing this stuff it was just easier to blame it on the wife.

Logan decided to play along, " So what do you want Santa to bring you?"

Cyclops said the first thing that popped into his head "I'd like that book called 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' I think it might be useful. 

Logan refrained from saying one of the many things that was going through his head and told Scott to go get his candy cane from the elf. 

'Ok one down and one to go' Logan thought as Jean approached. Scott hadn't recognized him, maybe he could fool Jean too.

Jean sauntered over to Logan and sat on his lap. As she lowered herself on to his lap, she wiggled her bum against his thigh, in an obviously seductive manner, catching Logan completely off guard. His voice croaked as he asked her, "So what would you like for Christmas little girl?"

"Well Santa I think I'd like…" Jean then put her lips up close to Logan's ear and covered them with her hand in the manner of someone telling a secret. As she spoke into his ear, Logan's eyes widened to an unnatural state and he began to visibly sweat. 

He choked out a question "What flavor?" as Jean continued her spiel in his ear. 

"Uhmm… does that require batteries?" he asked as he used the shirtsleeve to wipe his sweaty upper lip.

Jean sat straight with a huge grin on her face while Santa Logan just looked shocked. He had NEVER heard Jean talk like that. 

"Well Santa will see what he can do…he will definitely need to go to a specialty store cause his elves don't make that stuff." 

"Thanks Santa," Jean said seductively, wiggling in Logan's lap again, "by the way, is that my candy cane in your pocket?" 

"No" Logan said a little embarrassed. "You get those from the elf over there."

Jean got up, but just before she left she turned and whispered again into Logan's ear, "You can't fool a telepath you know." And with that she turned and caught up with Scott.

Logan smiled at the thought of the little game she had just played with him. He knew she wouldn't give him away but he was still surprised at some of the stuff she came up with to say to him. He knew some of the things she suggested were illegal in about 10 different states.

* * *

In a rather fancy and very expensive jewelry store just across from where Logan was working two men were carefully examining the glittery items in the glass display. 

"How about dis?" said Gambit, holding up a beautiful gold chain with a cross on it.

"She'll think you stole it," replied Bishop, looking absolutely bored.

Remy just shook his head, "How about dis?"

Bishop looked at the diamond necklace he was holding, " She'll think you stole it."

"You are not helping me here," said Remy, getting a little ticked off.

Remy walked around the jewelry store like he owned it. His eye fell onto an emerald ring.

"How about dat," he said, pointing to the ring.

Bishop walked over to the showcase of rings and scrutinized the ring.

"She'll think you want to marry her, but get mad at you because she'll think you stole it."

"Dat's it, I'm never going Christmas shopping for Roguey with you again, EVER!" Remy yelled, stomping out of the store.

Bishop smiled and whispered, "fine by me."

Logan looked over to the jewelry store, he knew that voice, ' oh no he thought'. 

He watched Gambit and Bishop fight like an old married couple. His sensitive hearing told him that they were fighting over Bishop's reluctance to help Remy pick out Rogue's Christmas present 

Logan chuckled at the memory of last year, Gambit had gotten her a fruitcake, because they had been fighting, he wanted to keep it simple. Well Rogue took it to mean that Gambit thought she was a fruitcake and not only did he wear the cake, she screamed at him for a week, till he got her a different gift. Logan felt tugging at his fake beard, so he turned his attention to the matter at 

hand.

Remy was glaring at Bishop, " Ok Einstein, what'd you get Stormy?"

Bishop looked rather uncomfortable at the question, he decided to take the diplomatic approach.

" She is the only one I haven't purchased a gift for yet."

"For a guy who had his shopping done in August aren't you leaving it a little to de last minute?"

"I am at a loss for what to get her," said Bishop, looking at anything but Remy.

"Mon ami, you got it bad for her," said Remy, trying not to laugh.

"I do not. Ororo and I share a simple flirtation. That is all, at least it won't be a fruitcake," said an annoyed Bishop.

"Hey, at de time it seemed like a…," Remy paused, looking at the mall Santa.

Remy started to laugh so hard his eyes watered, Bishop just looked confused.

"What is so funny?" asked Bishop.

"Bish, does that Santa look familiar to you?" said Remy still laughing and pointing to the Santa.

"No, should it?"

"Yeah, it's Logan," Remy was holding his stomach now.

Bishop carefully looked the mall Santa over.

"I guess he's the right size but how can you tell?" 

"One of de kids pulled his beard down and I saw his face." 

"Why is he moonlighting as Santa?" asked Bishop.

"I don't know but I'm going to have fun with dis one," said Remy walking over to a young mother, with a child around 6 years old.

Bishop just watched Remy charm the lady into doing whatever he wanted. He thought he would just stand back and watch whatever Remy was up to, his 6'6 frame intimidated most people and he was tired of trying to explain why he had an M tattooed on his face. Besides Gambit looked odd enough for the both of them because he was wearing sunglasses in the mall.

Whatever Remy was doing was working, the young lady laughed at everything Remy said and every time he turned around she was checking out his butt. Bishop knew that Remy was aware that she was checking him out, but he was really going overboard with the turning around bit.

"Ok, sit back an' enjoy de show," said Gambit, walking back over to Bishop.

"Like that young lady did?" said Bishop, "What did you do?" 

"Just watch," said Remy, standing around the corner to where Logan was sitting.

Logan paused and sniffed the air, he then scanned the area, searching for the source.

"I can smell 'em, but I can't see 'em."

Logan just shrugged and figured they had left. He motioned to the elf to bring on the next kid. The little boy was about six years old and looked very sweet. 

Logan lifted him onto his lap, and he asked him what he wanted for Christmas. The kid just smiled sweetly at him, Logan didn't understand why he wasn't saying a word till he felt his lap get warm and wet all of a sudden.

Logan jumped up, grabbing the kid to make sure he didn't fall and bellowed, "that's it. I quit, ho, ho, ho Merry flamin' Christmas."

Logan looked down at his suit and growled when he saw that it looked like he was the one who wet himself. Logan stopped in his tracks when he heard laughing behind him. Logan went around the corner and saw Bishop smiling and Gambit doubled over laughing.

"Ho, ho, ho. Dat's not a nice t'ing to say about your last girlfriend, Logan," said Remy still laughing.

Logan just growled at them, "Don't you have some fruit cake to go buy Gumbo?"

"Shut up, at least I don't look like a short and fat version of Magneto," yelled Remy.

" If I recall correctly it was on your girlfriend's lists of turn ons," snarled Logan.

"Uh oh," whispered Bishop.

"Excuse me," said Gambit.

"You heard me Gumbo," snarled Logan.

Bishop grabbed Remy's jacket and pulled him away towards the door, saying, "This is not the place for a brawl."

Remy glared at Logan and said, "We'll finish dis later homme."

Remy then walked out of the mall with Bishop lagging behind him.

Logan looked at his watch, if he hurried he would be able to get to the Agency office before it closed. Doing the Full Monty had to be better than this and the lady did say there was good tips in it.

Logan shrugged his shoulders and grabbed his duffel bag from behind the Santa chair. Thank god he brought an extra set of clothes with him. 

To be continued

Please review or Gambit will make you eat his fruitcake.

   [1]: http://www.crosswinds.net/~princessartemis/images/dragon/illos/xmenxmas.html



	3. The Full Monty

Would You Hire This Guy? Part3  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, not yours, not even marvel knows what's going on sometimes.  
  
For those of you reading our other fics, relax they're coming. We would like this Christmas fic to be finished by Christmas. Your patience is appreciated.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Logan walked back into the agency, his job counselor looked up from her desk and gives him a wave to come into her office.  
  
"I had a feeling you would be back Mr. Logan," the counselor said smugly, still looking over papers.  
  
"Why is that?" growled Logan.  
  
"Because they usually do, but I must say you lasted longer than most."  
  
"I usually do," Logan gave her a lopsided grin, sitting at her desk.  
  
She shakes her head and said, "well what can I do for you?"  
  
"I want the exotic dancing job."  
  
"Are you qualified?"  
  
"Excuse me, this isn't rocket science you know," said Logan, getting annoyed.  
  
"Yes I do realize this but, there is certain criteria that must be met," said the counselor, giving Logan her full attention now.  
  
"Like?" said Logan raising an eyebrow at her.  
  
The counselor sat back in her chair and said, "Take off your shirt,"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Take of you shirt, I have to make sure you have the body for this."  
  
"Ok" said Logan shaking his head and unbuttoning his flannel shirt, exposing his well-built physique.  
  
The job counselor walked around Logan several times, the way a shark circles his prey, nodding as she went. After a few moments of observing Logan's chest and ass, she started to speak.  
  
"Well first you'll have to cut out those candies you have stuck to your face."  
  
"Grrrrr... I forgot about those."  
  
"Ok, you got it Mr. Logan, be at Heaven's on third and seventh tomorrow at 7:00 sharp."   
  
"Ok great, you really know how to make a person feel like a piece of meat ya know," said Logan leaving the office.  
  
"Oh I forgot to mention. You will need a stage name, music and an outfit. Also there will be a prize for the best performance so I recommend you practice."  
  
  
* * *  
  
5 minutes after Logan left another man walked into the agency. The job counselor saw him standing near the front desk looking around for assistance. Her secretary had gone for lunch so she went out to help him.   
  
"Can I help you," asked the counselor.  
  
"I need to make a few dollars fast," said the man.  
  
The counselor looked at the man up and down and said, " I have the perfect job for you. Come in I need some information."  
  
* * *  
  
Logan closed the door to his room and locked it. Then set about getting to the business at hand. He already had a full-length mirror propped against the wall, that he had borrowed it from the girls changing room. Then he started rifling through the dozen or so CDs that Jubilee had lent him.  
  
"Gotta find just the right song" he mused.  
  
"Ah here's one called 'Stronger' by Brittany Spears, that sounds like my kind of song"  
  
Logan started playing his stereo. After a couple of attempts to keep to the beat he found that he just couldn't get into the song.   
  
"No this ain't the one, it sounds like a catholic boys wet dream."  
  
Logan rifled through the CD's, none of them looked like his kinda music but put another one in anyway. He pushed play and stopped to listen for a moment.   
  
"Shake your bon bon, Shake your bon bon," the music played.  
  
"I don't think so," he said pressing stop.   
  
He finally came across a Rob Zombie CD and remembered he had heard some of his stuff and found it had the edge he liked.  
  
"Dragula, excellent choice, I'll just practice to this one, then decide on a final song later."  
  
Facing the mirror in a fighting stance he began to move his shoulders and gyrate his hips to the beat. He looked like he was dancing to ' kung fu fighting', not Dragula.  
  
"Looking good. This will be a cinch." He said impressed with how well he was doing for someone who never danced. Then he started undressing and his ability to keep the beat was lost.   
  
"Damn! How hard can this be? I get undressed everyday!"  
  
When he came to taking his pants off the dancing stopped altogether. He struggled with getting his pants off as he still had his boots on. The pant leg was stuck and he hopped around on one leg until he finally keeled over.  
  
"SHIT!! I have to find some of those Velcro tear away things or else I'll just have to cut the damn clothes off."  
  
* * *  
  
Jean was the first to come into the kitchen. Scott, Warren, Betsy and Bobby were sitting at the table. Bobby whistled at Jean who turned around for them. She definitely missed her calling as a model.  
She was wearing a short black dress with a black see through jacket to match.   
  
"Looking good Jean," said Bobby, ignoring Scott who was giving him a dirty look.  
  
Just then Storm and Rogue walked in and Bobby put his hand over his heart. Ororo was wearing a long blue dress that matched her eyes but, it was the amount of cleavage she was showing that got Bobby's attention.  
  
Rogue was wearing a purple cat suit with a black jacket, she showed no skin, but it was the tightness that Bobby appreciated.  
  
"Wow," said Bobby.  
  
"Give it a rest Bobby," said Warren, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Why thank ya, Mr. Drake," said Rogue.  
  
"So where are you girls off to tonight, looking like this?" Bobby asked.  
  
"We girls decided we needed to unwind after all that Christmas shopping" Jean replied  
  
"Can we come too?" asked Warren  
  
*Giggles *  
  
"I guess not"  
  
* * *  
  
Not wanting to miss a moment of the performances, the girls had arrived at the club early. The waitress gave them their drinks and went off to serve other people. All of a sudden, the lights went down and a loud announcer blared over the PA system that the Canucklehead would be performing in 10 seconds. Then the song 'I like it, I love it, I want some more of it" started to play.  
  
"That's something Logan would call himself," said Rogue laughing.  
  
"Could you imagine Logan in a place like this," said Jean laughing herself.  
  
The two X-women were laughing so much they didn't notice the performer on stage, but Storms mouth fell open when she saw him.  
  
"He has a thing about dancin', I guess it ain't manly enough," said Rogue.  
  
"Logan was never the dancin' type," Jean turned to Storm, who had been tapping her on the shoulder, "What Ororo?"  
  
Storm pointed to the stage, Rogue and Jean turned to see what Storm was pointing to. Rogue, who was taking a sip of her drink, spit it out and hit the lady in front of her, who turned to glare at her.   
  
"Ah'm sorry,"   
  
Jean blinked several times, thinking her eyes were playing tricks on her.  
  
"Oh my," said Jean, taking a huge gulp of her drink.  
  
There was Logan. Dressed as a Lumberjack or a beaver trapper, the girls couldn't tell which. The music was pumping and the lights were spinning and strobing, giving him a movie star presence as he sauntered down the stage like a natural.   
  
At first, his dance movements were almost immperseivable. But as the cheering and attention began to take its affect on him he started to get into it. He took a fighting stance, as he had during his practice, and begun to pulsate his hips to the beat of the music and much to the delight of the lady onlookers. Then he started undressing and his presence started to crumble. As he took off his shirt he gave the appearance of someone undergoing electroshock treatment.   
  
"That boy sure cannot dance," said Rogue shaking her head.  
  
The crowd started to lose their enthusiasm until he tore off his pants to expose a maple leaf G-string. At that moment, all memory of the horrible dance was gone as a glorious sight replaced it. A sight the women in the building would remember for the rest of their lives.  
  
"What Logan lacks in dancing ability, he sure makes up for it in...," said Storm.  
  
"Fire power," voiced Rogue.  
  
"That would be it," agreed Storm.  
  
Jean was looking at anything but Logan, they had been friends for years, and she really didn't want to know why Rogue and Storm were fanning themselves with their drink lists. Finally curiosity got the better of her and she peeked.   
  
"Oh my," she said.  
  
Jean got an idea, so she grabbed her cell phone and dialed the mansion.  
  
"Hi sweetie, is Betsy there?"  
  
"Yeah she is, you guys alright?" asks Scott  
  
"Oh yeah, I just need to talk to her for a moment," said Jean trying not to laugh.  
  
"Ok, here she is, I love you honey bun," said Scott.  
  
"I love you too, now put her on the phone NOW!"  
  
* The sound of a phone being passed *  
  
"What's up?" said Betsy.  
  
"You have to get here now," said Jean unable to control her laughing anymore.  
  
"Why? What's up?"   
  
"Get your ass down here now, your gonna love it."  
  
"Ok see ya in a minute, Is this a I have to run or I can walk emergency."  
  
"Run as fast as you can," Jean then hung up the phone and put it her purse, she picked up her drink, gulped it and then turned her attention back to her friends.  
  
Logan lifted his arms in the air and started to shake his body, if the girls didn't know any better they would have sworn he was going into convulsions.  
  
An almost completely naked Wolverine, now free from the awkwardness of undressing to the beat of the music, began to do moves that would have impressed Bruce Lee. Three women from the other side of the stage were actually kicked off the premises for trying to grab the G-string off him and molest him on stage.  
  
Logan raised his eyebrow at the platinum blonde in the front row screaming at him, "I wanna bite your bum," repeatedly.  
  
"And they say I'm the animal," thought Logan.  
  
Rogue was shaking her head in awe, "Now that's what I call a healin' factor sugah."  
  
Storm had a smile plastered on her face and said, "I think I'm in love," but then tried to get the waitress' attention because the girls had finished their 3rd drink in 5 minutes.  
  
Another round of drinks arrived as Betsy approached the table out of breath.  
  
Jean spotted her "How did you get here so fast?"  
  
"Don't ask. Ok where's the emergency?" said Betsy, her purple hair in a ponytail. She was wearing jeans and a light sweater.   
  
Ororo, Rogue and Jean pointed towards the stage, Betsy's eyes focused on what the emergency was and she started chuckling.  
  
"Oh my god, Is it him?" said Betsy laughing.  
  
"You bet it is sugah."  
  
The girls looked at Psylocke for a moment and roared in laughter.  
  
Logan was reaching the finale portion of the song and was on an incredible high from the reception he was receiving. Being in front of an applauding audience can have an intoxicating effect. He was going to go all out. He tore off the G-string and gave the best Michael Flatley impression as he could. He ended his performance in the famous "Lord of the Dance' pose.   
  
"That should be registered as a lethal weapon," said Betsy.  
  
Rogue almost fell backwards in her chair, she was laughing so hard.  
  
Three ladies at the other side of the bar, fainted at the sight on the stage. One elderly lady, who earlier was desperately trying to put money in Wolvie's G-string, was going to require medical attention immediately.   
  
As Logan was about to leave the stage, he noticed a table with a group of women whooping it up more than the rest. He instantly recognized them to be his fellow female teammates. His heart sank as he realized he had been caught AGAIN.   
  
Standing there in his 'altogether' he could see the women waving and making hand gestures to him. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying to him through all the noise but he assumed that Rogue and Storm must have gone fishing today. It looked to him like they were trying to tell him 'I caught a fish THIS BIG' with their hand gestures. 'I wish they had asked me to go fishin' with them' he thought as he exited the stage.  
  
* * *  
  
The very drunk X-women downed yet another round of drinks as a loud voice filled the bar.  
  
"All right ladies for your viewing pleasure, 'Ace of Hearts' is back after being off the circuit for a while. Here he is, let's make some noise," bellowed the voice from the PA system.   
  
All of a sudden, the lights dimmed and the spotlight was on a tall man on the stage in a business suit, and he was holding a hat over his face.   
  
"Hey he's kinda cute," said Rogue.  
  
"How can you tell we can't see his face?" said Betsy, slamming back another drink.  
  
"Nobody said I was lookin' at his face," said Rogue matter of factly.  
  
"Don't let Remy hear you say that," said Jean, motioning for the waitress to come back.  
  
"I can look ya know," said Rogue.  
  
"But not touch," said Betsy, Jean and Ororo at the same time and then started laughing.  
  
"Aw shut up and just watch the show," said Rogue, slightly annoyed.  
  
  
The song 'Fantasy' started to play.  
  
The performer on stage started to dance to the music. Unlike the previous dancer, this guy definitely had the sultry art of removing his clothes down to a science. Every movement he made only accentuated his masculine prowess.   
  
He tossed the hat in the air and it landed on his head, to reveal a mask on his face.  
  
The ladies started to scream as he pulled his coat down his shoulders slowly, moving his hips to the music. When he got his jacket off he tossed it to the side of the stage. He sauntered to the front of the stage giving all the ladies a sexy smile.  
  
"No way, is it?" said a shocked Betsy, turning to Jean.  
  
"Yeah it is," said Jean, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Who is it?" asked Ororo.  
  
"You'll see," said Jean, who was laughing with Betsy.  
  
  
The man unbuttoned his shirt, and like the jacket it he let it fall off his shoulders, spinning it on his finger before tossing it off to the side. He ripped off his pants, to the delight of the ladies, they screamed even louder. The man on stage continued to sway his hips, driving the women in the front wild. As the women stuffed money in his g-string and he would give them a sexy smile that would make them go even wilder.  
  
"Ah Know that body," said Rogue  
  
As the song ended, the man peeled off his mask to expose his real identity.  
  
"REMY ETIENE LEBEAU, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" screamed Rogue.  
  
Remy just smiled and gave a guilty shrug and a wave to the table of X-women. Then he exited the stage, knowing he was going to get an earful from Rogue.  
  
After a brief interlude, the announcer's voice fills the bar once more.   
  
"Well ladies, the judges votes are in and it seems we have a tie. We will need your help it deciding tonight's winner. We will have both finalists on stage for a pose down and you, the audience, will choose the winner. The finalists are the Canucklehead an the Ace of Hearts"  
  
"Oh my Goddess! We have to choose between the two?" Storm asked  
  
"Well ah know who I'm votin' for." Said Rogue standing up trying to get a better view of the stage as the two men reappeared.  
  
Logan and Remy stood on the stage and glared at each other. At the same time they spoke "The agency?" Then they both nodded, the irony of the situation not lost on them.   
  
The song 'I'm too sexy' started to play and the contest began. Both men began flexing and posing to the screams and whistles filling the room. Both men intent on being voted the better man.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok readers the truth is that with two authors, one prefers Remy and the other prefers Logan. We DO have a tie vote on who should win. We have decided to let you decide this for us. Please cast your vote as well as tell if you like the story.  



	4. And the Winner is...

WOULD YOU HIRE THIS GUY? PART 4  
  
  
Disclaimer: Not ours, just playing with them.  
  
Author's note: Sorry this took so long, the series will go past Christmas slightly. The last chapter is planned out just not written yet. Thank you for your patience. Also thanks for all the votes, It was a close one. Too close actually, so there was a slight change in plans.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Don't pop a blood vessel mon ami" Gambit said as he looked at Logan straining to flex every muscle he owned.  
  
As the two men were giving all they had to the audience, trying desperately to out do each other, the announcer spoke to the room again.   
  
"Ladies, your attention please. We have a late entry into the contest."   
  
As the voice was speaking a woman came on stage to ask Logan and Remy to please exit for the next act. Both men looked at each other with surprise and a hint of disappointment, shrugged and walked off. The audience was now booing the announcer for making the two hunks leave the stage.  
  
The voice continued "Please give a warm welcome to our new dancer "The Raven'"  
  
Just then a tall, dark and incredibly handsome man strolled on to the stage. Dressed all in black, to match his inky hair, he began to move to the sultry music. His dancing (if you could call it something as mundane as dancing) was incredible to watch, almost hypnotic. The women in the audience were completely mesmerized as the man, who looked like he had just stepped out of the movie Matrix, began to remove the long black trenchcoat that was obscuring the view to his incredible form.   
  
The man was definitely a skilled dancer and acrobat. Now nearly every woman in the audience had forgotten the previous adored and were falling in love with this new guy.  
  
Remy and Logan were back stage getting dress and were able to hear the response the new contestant was getting from the crowd.  
  
Each knew that they were no longer the favorites and the prize was lost to another. Logan turned to Remy "Well, at least we got paid and the tips were good."  
  
Remy took a quick count of the night's haul to see if it would cover Rogue's Christmas gift "Yeah, dat should 'bout cover it."   
  
By the time they emerged from behind the stage to go join the X-women at their table, the announcer was already telling the audience that the judges had completely changed their minds and they had chosen a winner. The man known as the Raven with the black hair and dark smoldering eyes walked away with their prize.  
  
  
  
  
As the men approached the table Storm stood up, staggered over to Logan and wrapped her arms around him.   
  
"I thought you should have won," she said trying to hide how drunk she was, but not how attracted to him she was feeling.  
  
"Uh, thanks darlin'"  
  
Remy took a seat beside Rogue who was giving him her best pout.  
  
"What's dat matter chere?"  
  
"Ya could have told me you were going to be dancing here tonight" Rogue said with her arms crossed in front of her chest.  
  
"I didn't think you'd be interested" Remy lied  
  
"Well maybe I'll go strippin' too and not tell you about it" Rogue threatened and turned her back to him to exaggerate her disapproval.   
  
Remy just smiled in silence as visions filled his head. His mind would not be available for at least ten minutes while his daydream played out.  
  
  
"You know darlin', you could have invited me fishin' too, you know," said Logan looking at Storm.  
  
"What are you talking about Logan? I haven't gone fishing," said a puzzled Ororo.  
  
"Well, what's with the 'I caught a fish this big' earlier," he said demonstrating the hand gestures.  
  
Storm and Rogue looked at each other confused for a moment, and then it dawned on them what he was talking about. Storm just shook her head and laughed, but Rogue was laughing so hard she went tumbling back in her chair, landing hard on the floor.  
  
Remy leaned over the table, " You ok chere?"  
  
"Just peachy," she paused, "Ace," as she started rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.  
  
  
Storm took the seat next to Logan but it was not close enough for her liking. She started to nudge the chair over by using her butt in the subtlest way a drunk can. In all her efforts she had twisted her low cut dress and out popped something that should have been strategically covered.   
  
Remy and Logan looked, took a double take then looked away pretending not to notice.  
  
"Nice weather we're havin'" said Logan  
  
"Yeah nice," replied the Cajun using all his strength not to take another peek. Both men were completely oblivious that their topic of choice could not have been more inappropriate.  
  
Jean tore her gaze away from the men on stage to take a sip of her drink when she spotted Storm's state of undress. She quickly leaned over and whispered in Storm's ear.  
  
Storm stopped talking, looked down, tucked herself in, and continued her attempted flirting with Logan.  
  
Unbeknownst to the rest at the table, Rogue seemed to have disappeared.  
  
Remy suddenly felt Rogue underneath the table, bumping his leg, he looked down at the table as if he could see through it.  
  
"What are you doing Rogue?" he asks.  
  
"Finding my purse," was the muffled reply.  
  
Logan raised an eyebrow and looked down at the table and said, "Well, that ain't it darlin'"  
  
Rogue emerged from underneath the table, right beside Logan. She looked at Logan, who gave her a lopsided grin, and then to Remy who didn't look at all happy.  
  
"Whoops, wrong guy," said Rogue climbing on all fours from under the table.  
  
Logan gave Rogue a hand up from under the table and a sexy wink that Remy couldn't miss even if he tried.  
  
Remy was about to get down right nasty at Rogue but Betsy interrupted.  
  
"If I was a tree, how high would I be?" she said, waving her arms in the air.  
  
Just then the waitress walked passed and Betsy frantically waved her over. "I think it's time for shooters," she said under her breath.  
  
"What'll ya have?" the waitress asked her pen ready  
  
"I'll have a 'blow job' and an 'orgasm' please. Anyone else want one?" she asked as she looked at the shocked faces around the table.  
  
Everyone just stared. "Ok, I guess it's just me then" Betsy said, too drunk to realize what everyone was thinking.  
  
Ororo glanced at Remy, even in her drunken state she knew he was furious. Rogue noticed it too, so she got up from the floor and walked over to Remy's chair. Using her strength she pulled out his chair. He was trying to ignore her, but found it difficult when she sat on his lap, wrapping her arms around him.  
  
"What's the matter sugah?" she purred.  
  
No matter how hard he tried, the angelic look on Rogue's face made it impossible for him to stay angry.  
  
"Not a t'ing, chere," said Remy smiling at Rogue.  
  
The group of friends talked amongst themselves until the platinum haired beauty that had been screaming at Logan earlier approached the table. She sauntered over to Logan and bent over to talk to him leaving nothing under her outfit to the imagination.  
  
"Wanna dance Romeo," she said in a deep husky voice.  
  
Everyone at the table waited for Logan's reaction, but Ororo beat him to it. She let out a growl that shocked everyone and made Wolverine damn proud of her.  
  
Meanwhile at the other end of the table...  
  
"Squish your head," said Betsy  
  
Everyone turned to look at Psylocke, who had one eye open and was opening and closing her index finger and thumb together, while saying "squish your head, squish your head."  
  
"All right darlin', your cut off," said Logan leaning forward to take away Betsy's drink.  
  
"Try it beasty boy and I'll shove my Katana so far up your ass, people will think you're a shiskabob," said Betsy, moving her drink out of Logan's reach. "You don't want to know what I'll do to you if you try to stop me when I haven't finished my 'orgasm'"  
  
Again the conversation stopped and all eyes were on Betsy. She looked around wondering why no one was talking. "What?! It's a shooter you morons!"  
  
Remy whispered to Logan, "I guess Warren isn't doing his job."  
  
Logan burst out laughing, nodding his head in agreement.  
  
  
Logan reached into shirt his pocket. Not finding them there, he patted down his upper body.  
  
"I have to run to the store, I need cigars."  
  
"I'll go with you, I need cigarettes," said Remy  
  
  
  
  
"I need to visit the powder room," said Jean, standing up.  
  
  
As Jean came out of the bathroom she saw two women in a war of words, she tried to ignore them, but they were verbally assaulting each other right in front of her.  
  
"Excuse me ladies," said Jean.  
  
The women just looked at Jean, giving her an evil look and went back to fighting.  
  
Jean just stood there hoping that the fight would end soon. She started to zone out, and wasn't paying attention anymore when it turned physical with the two women.  
  
The one woman standing farthest from Jean, closed her fist, and hauled back and threw a punch at the other woman, but the other woman ducked. Jean turned just in time to see a fist coming towards her face. The woman connected with Jean's eye and sent her stumbling back a couple of feet, when she tripped on something behind her and landed on her ass.  
  
The girls at the table glanced towards the bathrooms when they heard Jeans startled cry. They watched in disbelief as Jean picked herself up off the floor and walked towards the woman that had hit her.   
  
Betsy started to laugh uncontrollably, slapping her knee. Rogue recognized that sparkle in Jean's eye and yelled, "Bitch brawl," as she jumped to her feet ready to fight.  
  
Jean walked up to the women and slugged her so hard, she went soaring through the air, and landed on a table with such force it collapsed on impact.  
  
"No powers," they heard her say telepathically.  
  
Storm jumped to her feet and sat at the edge of the bar, grabbing glasses for weapons.  
  
Rogue gave Ororo a look that said 'What are you doing'.  
  
"I paid a small fortune for this dress and I will not see it ruined in a bar fight," said Ororo  
  
Betsy still laughing uncontrollably said, "Couldn't have that now, could we?"  
  
Rogue looked at Storm like she had three heads so she didn't see the beer bottle headed her way. It hit Rogue in the side of the head dazing her for a moment.  
  
"Ow! That had to hurt," said Betsy laughing like a hyena.  
  
"That hurt!" yelled Rogue, picking glass from her hair.  
  
"Jean, behind you!" yelled Psylocke, still sitting at the table.  
  
Jean looked around and saw a pitcher of beer coming towards her. Thanks to Betsy's warning she was able to duck, but was still splattered with beer.  
  
Anyone who came near Storm got a glass either smashed over their head or had a glass thrown at them.  
  
"Betsy are you gonna help or just sit on your ass?" said Rogue.  
  
Betsy was about to answer her but a chair caming flying through the air from out of nowhere, hitting Rogue and knocking her down.  
  
Betsy just pointed at her and laughed, Rogue barely even looked at her as she picked herself up off the floor.  
  
"Now Ah'm pissed," said Rogue about to grab the table.  
  
"Wait," yelled Betsy, she grabbed all the drinks off the table, balancing them on her lap, "ok, go ahead."  
  
Rogue then picked up the table, and tossed it through the air.  
  
"Nice shot," yelled Betsy as the table went right through the window.  
  
There was a bloodcurdling scream from the bar. Rogue and Betsy turned to see what the problem was. Ororo was sitting at the bar with a glass clutched in her hand, but she was soaking wet.  
  
"My dress!" she screamed.  
  
"Uh oh," said Rogue, hearing the sirens.  
  
  
  
Logan and Remy were just about to leave the store when they heard the sirens. They looked at each other and shook their heads. They knew where the police were headed. Logan turned to Remy and gave him a look that said 'we should have seen this coming'  
  
"You can dress 'em up, but you can't take 'em anywhere," said Logan, wondering what the girls had gotten themselves into this time.  
  
"I know, try going on a date with Rogue," said Remy.  
  
Logan just laughed. He remembered the picnic incident. Rogue came into the house covered in pie, he never knew who had thrown it, Remy or Bishop.   
  
As they approached the bar, they were shocked to see just how many police cars there were. Remy approached one of the officers  
  
"Sorry sir you can't go in there," said the officers.  
  
"My girlfriend is in dere," said Remy.  
  
"The one who has the white stripe in her hair?" asked the officer.  
  
"Oui," said Remy, "Why?"  
  
"You two just look like you belong together," said the officer.  
  
Remy didn't know if he should be insulted or impressed, he was about to say so when he noticed two of the girls coming out in handcuffs.  
  
Betsy was still laughing and Ororo was screaming about her dress.  
  
"Ya know we're gonna have to bail them out"  
  
"Oui," said Remy nodding his head.  
  
" Ya think we can pull this off without Cyke finding out?"  
  
"Oui, but just in case I'm going to New Orleans for Christmas."  
  
"What about the Guild?"  
  
"I'll take my chances," said Remy.  
  
"Come on, he's not going to be that mad," said Logan.  
  
Just then a camera crew arrived on the scene. They set up their cameras just as Rogue and Jean emerged from the bar.  
  
Rogue was the first one to notice the cameras, she smiled sweetly and stopped in front of the camera and said, "I'd like to thank the academy for making my dreams come true." She paused holding her cuffed hands over her heart and continued, "You love me, you really love me," the officer then grabbed her by the arm and yanked her towards the police car.  
  
Jean walked by the camera and waved and asked, "Are we gonna be on Cops?"  
  
Betsy heard Jean and started singing the theme song to the show from the back of the police car.  
  
Remy and Logan shook their heads when they saw the shiner Jean had. Even if they could bail them out and by some miracle Cyclops didn't see them on TV, he'd definitely notice her black eye.  
  
"So is New Orleans nice this time of year?" asked Logan  
  
  
1 hr later  
  
  
"Thanks for bailing us out," said Jean, as all of them piled into the vehicle the girls came in.   
  
"Don't mention it," growled Logan. He was extremely pissed off because all the humiliating work he had done recently was for nothing and now he was broke again.  
  
Remy was also broke. But all was not lost, he thought. Rogue had indicated at the club that she was very interested in having a private showing of his dance. He smiled an evil grin at the thought.   
  
"Dis homme will give her a show she won' soon forget!"   
  
  
The trip home was a nightmare for Logan. Since the women were drunk he was forced to drive.   
  
Storm had made a point of sitting beside him. Well it was more like on him, since the vehicle was packed to the point of bursting. That coupled with the fact that Betsy was directly behind him saying the craziest things right in his ear in an all too loud voice.  
  
  
"All right who the hell is breathing heavy? Your fogging up the damn windows," yelled Logan.  
  
Everyone in the van turned and looked at Rogue, who was sitting on Remy's lap.  
  
"Don't look at me, it's her," said Rogue, pointing at Ororo.  
  
"It's my party and I'll pant if I want to," sang Storm, smiling at Logan.  
  
The only one who found that funny was Betsy, but she thought everything was funny at the moment.  
  
Logan just rolled his eyes. Ororo was a fine looking woman but he really didn't want to have a one-night stand with her. She wasn't that type. Besides, he really didn't feel like fighting with the Cajun over her honor at Christmas time.  
  
  
  
At the mansion  
  
  
  
"Hey Cyke, Want to watch the fights tonight?" asked Bobby.  
  
"Nah. I don't like watching boxing," said Scott looking over some papers, not paying attention to Bobby.  
  
"Oh I think you'll wanna watch this," said Bobby, trying extremely hard not to laugh.  
  
Scott, with an annoyed look, glanced up at the TV and was shocked to see his wife and three other female members of the team on the news.  
  
"What the F***!!!," bellowed Cyclops.  
  
Bobby couldn't contain his laughter anymore and lost it just as Warren entered the room.   
  
"What is so funny," asked Warren.  
  
"Oh nothing, except his wife," said Bobby pointing at Scott who was staring open mouthed at the TV, " and your girlfriend were arrested with Storm and Rogue tonight."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"A Barroom brawl," howled Bobby.  
  
Just then Logan and Remy walked through the door. Logan had Jean in his arms and Remy was carrying Betsy.  
  
"What happened?" cried Scott.  
  
"Shhh, they passed out," snarled Logan, depositing Jean in Scott's arms, "Merry flamin' Christmas."  
  
Remy was just smiling as he gave Betsy to Warren.  
  
"What are you smiling at?" asked Warren  
  
Remy just shrugged his shoulders, still smiling, "Ya know your woman is quite de chatterbox when she has been drinking, neh?"  
  
Warren suddenly turned pale and quickly exited the room. Logan and Remy laughed at Warren's reaction. Then they again went outside to collect the last load, Rogue and Storm.  
  
  
"You take Storm and I'll get Rogue" suggested Remy  
  
"Um, how 'bout we swap?"   
  
"What's da matter wit you? You afraid of a passed out woman?" Remy laughed  
  
The men carried the women to their respective rooms. As Logan was placing Storm on her bed, just as he feared she woke up.  
  
"Thank you Goddess" she spoke as she reached to pull him down to her.  
  
"Not tonight darlin'. I'd prefer to wait until a time that you will be able to remember it the next day." Logan said as he twisted out of Storm's grasp and quickly, but regretfully, exited the room.  
  
  
  
Remy carried Rogue, smiling down at her. In her state she unknowingly wrapped her arms around Remy's neck and cradled her head against his chest. When he came to her door he gave it a little push with his foot and the door opened. He walked into the room with his catlike grace and gently put Rogue on her bed, she mumbled her disapproval at the sudden loss of heat and rolled over, hugging her pillow.  
  
Remy pulled the blankets around Rogues body. He would find no greater pleasure than to get her into her pajamas, but he didn't want Rogue pissed off at him at Christmas time, so he leaned over and kissed the side of her head and whispered, "Je t'aime toujours ma belle Rogue."  
(I love you always my beautiful Rogue)  
  
Rogue started to stir in her sleep, she whispered, "Ah love you too."  
  
Remy just smiled and left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.  
  
Remy walked to the door and saw Logan stomping down the hall towards his door.  
  
"What's de matter mon ami?" asked Remy.  
  
"That woman will be the death of me," said Logan walking by Remy and slamming his door shut.  
  
Remy just laughed and went into his room, hoping he could sleep, but after seeing Rogue that way he doubted it.  
  
  
Next Morning  
  
As Logan was leaving his room to head down for breakfast he found a sizable check taped to his door. He pulled it off to examine it. It was from Worthington and was for a very large sum.  
  
Logan went over and knocked on Remy's door. The Cajun emerged looking very fatigued.  
  
"Hey Gumbo, whatcha make of this?" Logan said as he handed Remy the cheque.  
  
"Dis is for bailing out 'is girl last night." Remy explained.  
  
"Yeah, I figured that, but it's for ten times the amount."  
  
Remy smiled, remembering Warren's pale expression from the previous night. "I bet it's to keep us quiet"  
  
"But Besty really didn't say anything. She got all chatty but nothing specific."  
  
"But Warren don't know that" Remy explained further as he eyed the cheque.  
  
"Well hell, Let's go shoppin'" Logan said in an excited voice, immediately regretting his choice of words. 'I'm sounding more and more like Jubilee lately' he thought.  
  
"But let's leave now before the women get up" Logan added. He was not looking forward to dealing with a frustrated, hungover Storm this morning.  
  
  
  
  
  
Next story is Christmas morning...  
  
After all those reviews from the last fic, if you don't review this one, we will cry. This suppose to be humor so how can we be funny if we're crying. So you must review. 


	5. Christmas with a twist

Would You Hire This Guy part 5  
  
  
  
Disclaimer : Don't own the X-men, no money, just for fun.  
  
  
  
Authors' note: Well this is the last chapter of the series. We hope you have enjoyed it. We have plans for a few more series in the future so keep an eye open for them. But in the meantime we will be returning to our own neglected stories. Thanks for all the reviews.  
  
  
  
  
It was very early on Christmas Eve morning and the mall had just opened. It was already packed with all the last minute shoppers. Remy and Logan decided rather than separate and then have to find each other later they would stick together. They would buy what they came to get, and then leave without hesitation using the same tactics involved in any well planned commando raid.  
  
They made their first stop at a high-class jewelry store and started to browse.  
  
"Who are we shopping for?" asked Remy, looking at the jewelry.  
  
"Red," said Logan, eyeing a diamond necklace.  
  
"Are you crazy mon ami? Cyke will have a stroke!" Remy shouted.  
  
Logan just turned to Remy and gave him an evil smile to indicate that he had 'hit the nail on the head' with that last comment.  
  
"That would make it a merry Christmas after all," Logan added  
  
Remy shook his head in dismay "Well, don't spend t' much."  
  
"Why don't you stop being my Mom!"  
  
"Only trying t' help mon ami. How 'bout dis one?" as he points to a small silver bracelet.  
  
As the two men continued to argue, the sales person, who had over heard part of their conversation, leaned over to her business associate and said, "Why are all the good looking guys gay?"   
  
Logan's head snapped up, and he looked at the clerk in shock and confusion and said, "We're not gay."  
  
Remy turned around and stared at the sales lady. He was about to add his comments as well but the look on Logan's face made him reconsider.  
  
As Logan tried to explain to the saleslady what kind of present he wanted, Remy stared down at the counter, focusing on every scratch, just so he wouldn't laugh.  
  
The endless growling noises during the decision-making process finally ceased once Logan decided on a locket for Jean and made the purchase.  
  
As they exited the store, Remy spun around, saying. "See what I have t' put up with?"  
  
"Gumbo, you ain't my type," growled Logan leaving the store.  
  
The store clerk said to her associate, "See, I told you he was gay."  
  
Once outside the store Remy, in between laughing, asked, "who is your type? Scott?"  
  
Logan stopped dead in his tracks and spun around. Remy thought he was a dead man. The look on Logan's face made it quite clear that the topic ended right then and there. Remy raised his hands to signal that he would not continue. But added under his breath "Dis guy can't take a joke"   
  
Logan heard what Remy had muttered and thought 'We'll see who can't take a joke'  
  
  
Remy stopped in front of a lingerie store and said, " I know what else I should get Roguey."  
  
Logan just smiled as he followed Remy into the store. As soon as they walked in, a saleslady walked over to Remy and asked if he needed help, which he declined so she approached Logan.  
  
"Do you need any help sir?"  
  
"I'm looking for something special for a lady friend of mine," he said looking through a rack of sexy negligées.  
  
"Can you tell me what size she is?" asked the saleslady a little disappointed.  
  
"Uh no," said Logan watching Remy looking through silk pajamas.  
  
"Can you describe her?"  
  
"Well she's about 5'8, about 120 pounds, has brown hair, green eyes and her boyfriend is the biggest bonehead I've ever known."  
  
This caught the lady off guard but she was curious to know why this man kept grinning at the other man with sunglasses on.  
  
"Isn't that so, Gumbo?"  
  
"What?" said Remy, half-listening.  
  
"That Rogue has a bonehead for a boyfriend?"  
  
"Oui," said Remy, who immediately looked up and yelled, "Hey!" when Logan started laughing.  
  
"Go back to your nighties Cajun," said Logan then turning to the saleslady, "So, can you help me?"  
  
"I do believe we can," she said pulling out an assortment of lingerie.  
  
"I believe this will match her eyes," said the clerk, holding up a bra and panty set.  
  
"That's perfect," said Logan, not caring about the size, just a certain Cajun's reaction.  
  
Remy walked over to Logan and the saleslady. He looked from the bra to Logan and back again.  
  
"Over my dead body homme," said Remy in a loud voice.  
  
"That can be arranged bub," said Logan grinning.  
  
"Bring it on Wol-ver-ine," said Remy clutching a rack of bras, trying his best to not use his powers.  
  
It took Logan all of his self-control not to start laughing. The thought of a battle in a lingerie store was too much.  
  
"And what are you gonna do?" chuckled Logan, "start throwing bras at me."  
  
The saleslady slowly backed away from the pair, unsure if there was going to be a brawl over the taller mans girlfriend.  
  
" Besides, after the incident in the bar, maybe she would," stated Logan, with his eyebrow raised.  
  
"Dat's it, I'm leaving, you asshole," said Remy stomping out of the store.  
  
"Get back here you big baby, I was kidding," said Logan following him out of the store. "Now, who's the one that can't take a joke?"  
  
Remy and Logan walked through the mall in silence, every so often Remy would look at Logan. Logan would just laugh at him everytime.  
  
They where nearing the food court when Logan stopped dead in his tracks. Logan sniffed the air and groaned.  
  
"Just flamin lovely, seeing that witch just makes my Christmas complete."  
  
Remy was about to ask him what he was mumbling about when a tall women with long blonde hair, came up behind him and put her arms around him and purred in his ear.  
  
"How's my favorite future son in law?"  
  
Remy spun around and removed Mystiques arms from him. Logan just stood there and growled at her.  
  
"You been in de eggnog again Mystique?" asked Remy.  
  
"What is wrong with spreading a little Christmas cheer?" said Mystique feigning a hurt look.  
  
"You off your rocker? What are you up to? The only time you're this happy is when you're screwing someone over," growled Logan.   
  
"Oh Logan," she purred walking up to him and placing her hand under his chin, "you know me so well."  
  
Remy just shook his head in disgust, "I t'ink I need a shower."  
  
Mystique turned her head and glared at him. Logan stepped around Mystique and kept walking away, with Remy beside him.  
  
"Pleasure as always Mystique, hope someone nails you this Christmas," growled Logan, over his shoulder.  
  
"But Logan, I've already been nailed by the best," she laughed.  
  
That stopped Logan for a moment, but then he kept going not looking back.  
  
"Don't remind me," he mumbled.  
  
Remy walking beside Logan, looked at him and said, "Merde, dat's just gross."  
  
"I don't want to talk about it," yelled Logan, "let's just get this done."  
  
Remy stopped in front of another jewelry store and looked in the window, he saw a pair of emerald earrings with diamonds encircling them.  
  
"Dat's it!" shouted Remy like a kid in a candy store.   
  
***  
  
With the chore of shopping completed, the men made a hasty retreat to their vehicle through one of the mall's department stores. As Logan was walking past the cosmetics counter he stopped cold and wrinkled his nose. Turning on the heels of his cowboy boots, he went back to where the perfumes were being displayed on the counter. Taking a few more sniffs in the air he grabbed the offending bottle to read the label. Poison.  
  
"This is that crap I've been smelling for days!" Logan barked   
  
Remy looked at the bottle, took a sniff and nodded his head.  
  
"Dat woman at de agency reeked of dis stuff, she must of bathed in it" Remy said  
  
Logan made a 'bitter beer face' and added, " After being in that room with her, it buggered up my nose. It was all I could smell for literally days."  
  
He put the bottle back on the counter and they both left the store to hurry home and wrap their gifts.   
  
***  
  
* CHRISTMAS MORNING *  
  
5:30am  
  
Jubilee was the first to get up and raced downstairs to look at the tree. Like a little kid, she hovered around the tree trying to find all the gifts that had her name on them.  
  
5:45am  
  
Jubilee couldn't wait and decided that it was about time the rest of the team got up. She ran down the hall, knocking on everyone's door telling everyone it was time to get up already.   
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, at the home of the Brotherhood.   
  
Mystique went to answer the knock at the door. There was Sabertooth, looking all menacing in the small doorway.  
  
"I'm here for breakfast" he growled as he walked around her, not waiting to be invited in.  
  
"We've already finished. We were about to open our presents."  
  
Sabertooth just ignored her and began to raid the fridge. Mystique and the rest of the Brotherhood continued to open their gifts while Victor gorged.   
  
When Sabertooth was finished stuffing himself he joined the others in the room where the Christmas tree stood. He found that they had finished opening their gifts. But under the tree he spied one left that no one had claimed.  
  
Sabertooth grabbed the remaining gift from under the tree.   
  
"This doesn't say who it's to. It just says from Santa" he spoke to the room of people.   
  
No one made any attempt to claim the gift or explain its presence so he opened it.  
  
"It's a video tape," he said in an unimpressed voice, turning the unmarked tape in his hands.  
  
"Well, put it in the machine already!" Avalanche said impatiently  
  
Victor let out a low growl and gave him a 'don't push me you jerk' look. He placed the tape in the video machine and pushed play.  
  
After a few moments of snow the movie began. It was clearly a home made film and from it's jerky movements and positioning quite possibly a hidden camera. The location appeared to be a Santa's photo mall display and the subject of the movie was Santa himself.  
  
After a few moments, to the surprise of everyone in the room, Victor let out a roar of laughter. No one else had seen anything funny so far.  
  
"What's so funny Victor" Toad asked  
  
"Bwahahaha...it's *gasp * it's ...hahaha.... the RUNT!!!"   
  
After a brief moment of silence the rest of the room exploded with laughter. The laughing was non-stop for the length of the movie.   
  
  
  
Then the movie ended in more snow. Everyone began to groan from the ache of laughing too much. They were wiping the tears from their eyes when something new appeared on the television. This time the scene was dark and there was loud music playing. Then a voice could be heard announcing a dancer called the Canucklehead. As the dancer appeared on the stage Sabertooth let out a roar of laughter that nearly brought down the roof.  
  
  
  
***  
Back at the mansion  
***  
  
Everyone was awake now thanks to Jubilee. Scott was feeling the need for some Christmas music so he got up and headed towards the stereo.  
  
Seeing this everyone was on full alert, Rogue jumped up, practically knocking Remy off the couch.  
  
"Ah don't think so Scotty, not this year," she said standing with her hands on her hips in front of the stereo.  
  
Scott looked around at the faces of his fellow Xmen. What he saw shocked him, he knew if he took a step further he would see the full brunt of everyone's powers.  
  
"Why not, it's Christmas. Besides it is a classic," said Scott in his leader voice.  
  
Wolverine stood up this time and walked over to Scott, pointing his finger in his face, "Because you promised us last year there would be no more, that's why bub."  
  
Jean stood up and put her arm around her husband, "You did promise, Scott."  
  
"Alright, alright," he said with his hands in the air, "but I want it noted that Christmas is not Christmas without Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers singing the classics." Then he sat down, pouting.  
  
Everyone sighed in relief as Jean turned to the group and asked, "Is the radio fine with everyone?"  
  
Everyone nodded their agreement as Jubilee jumped up.  
  
"I'm tired of waiting, can I hand them out yet," she cried.  
  
"Go ahead," said Wolverine.  
  
Jubilee kneeled in front of the massive tree and grabbed the first present she saw and read the tag.  
  
"From Remy to Bishop, okay," she stuck her head under the tree to find the one from Bishop to Remy, so they could open each other's present at the same time.   
  
"Ok got it," she said standing up, handing the presents to their respective owner.  
  
"Thank you Jubilation."  
  
"Merci, petite."  
  
The two men ripped open the brightly colored packages to reveal the same thing, fruitcake.  
  
Everyone thought it was a strange gift, but for some reason Remy and Bishop started to laugh.  
  
"That better not be the theme this year," said Rogue glaring at Remy.  
  
"I never called you a fruitcake," cried Remy, throwing his hands in the air.  
  
The doorbell chimed and Jean stood up to answer it. As she opened the door, Sinister walked in, not waiting to be invited in.  
  
"Fools all of you," Sinister bellowed, then he handed Jean a pie dish and said, "but I baked this myself."  
  
"How nice, thank you," said Jean as she handed him a gift certificate for Denny's.  
  
Sinister eyed it for a moment and said, "And you people wonder why I try and kill you all the time," he yelled, "Just a little DNA, is that too much to ask for Summers," he continued to rant as he slammed the door behind him.  
  
"What bug crawled up his ass?" said Jubilee.  
  
Everyone looked at Jubilee, but before they could say anything she said, "What? You know it's true."  
  
Jubilee went back to the tree and pulled out a big box, she eyed the tag.  
  
"To Remy from Ororo. It's too heavy Gambit, come get it yourself," said Jubilee.  
  
All of a sudden, the box started to rise in the air and levitated over towards Remy. As the package floated over Remy's lap, it dropped.  
  
"UGH, Merci Jean," said Remy in pain, his voice also slightly higher.  
  
"Your welcome Ace," said Jean with a big smile on her face.  
  
Remy ripped the paper off the package, he was watching Ororo and Jean. They both looked like they were going to burst from trying not to laugh. He opened the box, looking in it and was shocked.  
  
"Ha ha ha, Stormy," Remy said pulling out the cards in the box, it was full of Ace of Heart cards.  
  
Jubilee tossed a present at Storm and said, "Catch."  
  
Ororo caught the small present in the air and began to unwrap it, mumbling "thank the goddess it isn't fruitcake."  
  
"I heard dat."  
  
Storm looked up and smiled sweetly at Remy. She was confused when she saw her gift and eyed him in hopes of an explanation  
  
"Double sided tape, so you have no more accidents with dat dress."  
  
Logan let out a howl that everyone thought was his form of laughter, after a minute he started wiping the tears from his eyes.   
Rogue gave Remy a little shove that knocked him off the arm of the couch. Jean and Betsy couldn't remember what happened, so they found the gift uninteresting. Warren was counting his money and Scott was still pouting.   
  
"What? She has a problem, now she can fix it."  
  
"Men," groaned Rogue.  
  
"That's ok Remy. It's lovely," said Ororo, in a voice that told everyone she didn't like it.  
  
Jubilee saw a large gift with her name on it and grabbed it.   
  
"Me next" she said, all excited as she started to open the gift.  
  
Logan smiled, anxious to see the look of surprise on her face. This was the gift he had searched high and low to get her. She ripped off the wrapping and when she realized what it was jumped up in delight.   
  
"Oh Wolvie! Thank you! A playstation 2! That's exactly what I wanted"  
  
"Well, let's hook it up and see what it's like" said Logan  
  
Jubilee opened the box and pulled out the machine. She continued to hunt around the box and packaging before turning back to Logan  
  
"Where's the game?"  
  
"What do you mean? It's in your hands"  
  
"No, I mean the game. This is just the machine"  
  
Logan rolled his eyes in defeat. 'Would nothing go right this Christmas?' he thought.  
  
  
"Oh cool" said Jubilee turning up the radio, "Leroy the redneck reindeer is my favorite Christmas song." Her useless playstation forgotten in less than 5 minutes, and pushed back under the tree.  
  
Just then there was another knock at the door. Jean, realizing that no one else was going to move, got up again to get it.  
  
This time it was Magneto standing there. Jean asked him to come in and closed the door behind him.   
  
"Hear me, there is a war coming," he shouted, "but for today I have a gift for Charles. It a one way paid vacation to Genosha," he said holding out the envelope in his hand.  
  
"Oh I'm sure he'll love that. I'll be sure to give it to him" Jean replied as she took the gift. Then she grabbed one of the gift certificates from the pile at the door and handed it to him.  
  
"It's for Denny's," she said extremely happy with herself. Magneto looked at the certificate without expression.  
  
Magneto entered the living room and scanned the crowd that was there. No one even acknowledged him, as they were all engrossed in their conversations. So he just took a seat near the window when he noticed the fruitcake on the table.  
  
"Oh fruitcake! I just love fruitcake. Do you mind if I have some?"   
  
Logan leaned over and whispered to Remy "That explains all his henchmen"  
  
"Help yourself," Remy said holding back his laughter at Logan's comment, "Take de whole t'ing."   
  
"Thanks," Magneto said as he took a piece.  
  
"You can have mine too," Bishop added and watched Magneto's eyes light up.  
  
Rogue then jumped up and ran to the kitchen then quickly returned with another fruitcake.   
  
"Here ya go. Ya can have this one too," she said.  
  
"This is the best Christmas ever," said Magneto choking back his tears of joy.  
  
Storm walked over to Rogue to ask in a whisper "Isn't that cake from last year?"  
  
"SSsshhh...yes, but they last forever you know." Rogue said as quietly as she could.  
  
  
  
On the radio the weather announcer came on and said, "Its cold out there folks. It would be a good idea to keep your clothes on."  
  
"That might be a problem for Logan and Remy," said Betsy laughing.  
  
All of the women laughed with the exception of Jubilee.   
  
Jubilee just shook her head, thinking they were weird. She grabbed another present and read the tag.  
  
"To Rogue, love Remy. Awww isn't that sweet," she said handing the present to Rogue.  
  
Rogue unwrapped her present and started to cry as she opened it. Everyone let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"They're beautiful sugah," said Rogue showing everyone.  
  
"They are beautiful Rogue," said Jean.  
  
Rogue stopped and looked at Remy.  
  
"Ya didn't steal these did you?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"NON!" bellowed Remy.  
  
"Just checkin' sugah, don't have a fit."  
  
Remy looked at Bishop, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Remy leaned over and broke off a piece of the fruitcake that was on the table in front of Magneto, and tossed at him  
  
"Shut up Bishop."  
  
Bishop dodged the cake, and said, "I don't recall saying a thing," still grinning.   
  
Jubilee handed Remy his present from Rogue. Rogue was showing Ororo her present but turned just in time to see Remy opening his gift.  
  
"Not here sugah," she said snatching the present from his hands.  
  
"Why not chere?"  
  
"Because we don't need an audience."  
  
"Listen to her Gumbo. You do not want to open that present here," said Logan with a big grin on his face.  
  
"Ah hate your sense of smell sometimes Wolvie," said Rogue throwing a crumpled piece of wrapping paper at him.  
  
Remy looked from Rogue to Logan and back again, he was dying to know what it was.  
  
"I'll be back," said Remy, taking the gift from Rogue and standing up.  
  
"Come on no fair," yelled Jubilee.  
  
"Now Jubilee, it's between two adults and if they don't want to share they don't have to," said Jean.  
  
Betsy rolled her eyes, just as Remy walked back in the room, beaming like the Christmas tree.  
  
"Well do ya like?" asked Rogue urgently.  
  
"I like," said Remy nodding with enthusiasm.  
  
Logan looked at every face in the room and shook his head in disgust.  
  
"It's not what you think, ya bunch of perverts," he bellowed, "What does the X in Xmen stand for anyway."  
  
After that, nobody really cared what Rogue had gotten Remy, so they didn't see the wink Logan gave Rogue and she smiled her thanks in return.  
  
Once again Jubilee went under the tree to hunt for more presents.  
She found a gift for Logan and handed it to him. Logan read the tag to see that it was from both Storm and Rogue. Both the women start to giggle as Logan opened his gift to find one of those mounted trout novelty gifts that sings 'bad to the bone'.  
  
"Ha ha that's really funny," said Logan dripping with sarcasm  
  
He then got up and grabbed two gifts from under the tree. One for Storm and one for Rogue respectively.  
  
"Here, I hope you like them," said Logan, "we're gonna have lots of fun with them."  
  
Remy immediately stood up, walked over and sat by the girls, he didn't like the sound of that. He gave Logan a look that said 'if you did, you die'. The women both tore into their presents. Storms and Rogue were surprised to find they had both received similar gifts. Logan had gotten them fishing tackle and lures.   
  
They looked at each other then at Logan.  
  
"What are we gonna do with these?" asked Ororo, looking over her present.  
  
" Ladies, you're gonna ask me to go fishing with you," said Logan, getting excited at the prospect of going fishing.   
  
"We don't fish sugah," said Rogue hoping this was a bad dream.  
  
Logan put his arms around both of the women and said, "Well now you do."  
  
"You do realize you're obsessed?" said Ororo, who was looking at Remy for help.  
  
"Don't look at me," he said laughing at the thought of Rogue and Ororo fishing with Logan.  
  
  
Just as Jean settled back in her chair there was yet another knock at the door.   
  
"Nobody worry, I'll get it." She said in a martyred voice. Everyone just ignored her.  
  
At the door were Avalanche, Toad, and Blob. They were about to enter the mansion, but Jean stood in front of them, taking the wrapped parcels from them, she then handed them their Denny's gift certificates and slammed the door in their faces.   
  
"This won't even cover the appetizer's," Blob yelled through the door.  
  
Jean quickly scanned the gifts to make sure there were no explosives in it. Satisfied they were safe, she walked back into the living room, leaving the presents where they were  
  
  
Jean went over and grabbed a gift from under the tree. She walked over to Logan and handed him his present from her. He looked up and smiled sweetly at her.  
  
"Thanks Red," he said.  
  
He ripped off the wrap to find a pair of red silk boxers. He looked up at her trying to interpret their meaning.  
  
She saw his look and started to explain "I thought the G-string looked really uncomfortable. It looked like a really tight fit. I thought you might prefer these."  
  
Logan was ecstatic. Not only had she been checking him out but, Cyclops looked like his head was going to explode.  
  
"Thanks Red, that was the best gift ever" he then pointed to a small but beautifully wrapped present and said "Open that one Jean. It's for you"  
  
Jean took the gift and sat down to open it. Inside she found a beautiful gold locket.   
  
"Oh Logan, it's beautiful" she cooed as she held it up for all to see.  
  
Remy and Logan both looked at Cyclops who was starting to shake like he was reaching critical mass. Both men thought it was funny.  
  
Jean opened the locket to find it contained a picture of Cyclops inside. Jean was nearly in tears as she showed the gift to her husband.  
  
Cyclops looked up at Logan with surprise. He didn't expect to see his picture there.  
  
"Thanks Logan, You kinda surprised me"  
  
"It was nothing Cyke. There is nothing I enjoy more than cuttin' your face outta pictures"  
  
  
Trying to be discreet, Betsy and Warren grab their gifts and begin to leave, not wanting to open them up in front of anyone. Betsy had gotten Warren handcuffs and edible underwear and Warren had gotten Betsy kinky, scented oils.  
  
Remy watched the pair leave the room with their gifts and turned to Logan. Logan could easily smell what the gifts were and whispered the answer to Remy's unspoken question. Both men burst out laughing.  
  
"How about a game of pool, Ace?" Logan asked. He was getting tired of just sitting.  
  
"Sounds good ta me" Remy got up to leave for the rec. room.   
  
Just as Jean was about to get comfortable on the couch again, there was another knock at the door.  
  
"Aaahhhhh!" she yelled as she bolted for the door again. She flung the door open to find Mystique standing there. Jean stood aside to let her in and handed her the standard Dennys'gift certificate.  
  
"Thanks Jean, How did you know that was my favorite restaurant?"   
  
Jean's eyes widen and she smiled. Finally someone who liked the gift she had chosen. Jean got a warm and fuzzy feeling and invited Mystique into the living room.  
  
"I'm here to see Rogue. Is she here?" Mystique asked  
  
"Oh yeah, she's in the living room with everyone else."  
  
"Thanks," said Mystique just walking right by Jean.  
  
As Mystique was heading to the living room, she could hear two familiar voices coming from another room. She decided to go there instead.  
  
"Just who I wanted to see," she said to herself, smiling.  
  
Mystique quietly entered the rec. room to find the two men playing pool. Actually, they were doing more bickering like a married couple than actual playing.  
  
"Why are all the good looking one's gay?" she purred, leaning against the doorframe.  
  
Logan and Remy spun around quickly at the sound of that voice.  
  
"What do you what?" he growled at her in a most unfriendly manner.  
  
Unfazed by the welcome, Mystique wasn't expecting more from Logan considering their history, she walked into the room with confidence.  
  
"I just wanted to give you guys your Christmas gift" she accentuated the statement by putting her hand on her hip and positioning herself into a sexy pose.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The men stood waiting, ready to do battle if necessary, but not sure what their gift could possibly be when suddenly, she morphed.   
  
She first became the woman from the agency, "So your name Logan Logan," she said walking into the room.  
  
Remy and Logan just stared at her flabbergasted.  
  
  
Mystique then suddenly changed into Santa's elf helper, "Are you ready for them Santa?" she purred, with her hands on her hips.  
  
Next, she changed into the platinum blond that was hitting on Logan from the front row of the bar, "Wanna dance Romeo."  
  
Logan thanked the big guy upstairs, he didn't pursue that women any further. Remy just stood there in a state of shock.  
  
"No wonder, they stank like they bathed in that perfume," said Logan to Remy.  
  
Just when the boys thought she was done she changed again. This time she changed into...The Raven!  
  
Logan turned to Remy and yelled, "The Raven! We should have known right then."  
  
Remy nodded his agreement, still in shock.  
  
The Raven spoke "Merry Christmas guys. I know it will be one you will never forget. I know I won't."  
  
  
The last thing Mystique saw as she turned to go was a charged billiard ball coming at her head.  
  
  
The end.  
  
  
Ok, expect the next part of our stories, "The Twilight Hour" and "Calm before the Storm" by Valkyrie and "Sinister's Last Stand" and "We still don't know what we did last night" by Tara, very soon. We thank you for your patients in waiting for the next parts to the above stories, so we could finish this one as soon as possible. Also if you can't remember the stories this is your chance to go back and reread them.  
  
Remember review, review, review. This is our first collaboration and your feedback is important to us.  



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